Today’s Prolonged, Unconfortable Eye Contact (5/25/2016)

Starting what may be a new thread theme here.

Today’s prolonged, awkward moment occurred shortly after work.  Walking home and a massive thunderstorm was rolling into the city.  I was coming up to an intersection when the wind gusted to 40+ MPH and ripped my Brooks Brothers umbrella clean off the handle.
The rich, mahogany handle was fine, resting in my tightly clenched fist.  But alas, the umbrella, cloth and pole (sans handle), went barreling into the side of a white Lexus sitting in traffic not thirty feet away.  The driver looked at me, looked at the umbrella, and stared at me as I rushed over to capture it and view the extent of the property damage.  It was at this time the umbrella shot toward me, then went back and slammed into the Lexus side paneling for a second round of fun.  The entire time, the man at the wheel never lost eye contact.

Then, the umbrella sputtered back behind the Lexus, latched onto the front grill of the green Land Rover behind the Lexus, and with the help of a strong gust, climbed the front of the Land Rover, side over side, and made it atop the windshield and sat there, squarely in the center of the windshield, for a solid five seconds.  It was at this point that my eyes left those of the man in the Lexus and shifted toward the piercing glare of the man in the Land Rover.

The umbrella then fell sideways, and with another gust, slammed into the driver side door before I was able to viciously bury my foot into the spine of the thing.  I’d say those fifteen seconds of chasing down the umbrella without losing eye contact with two very pissed off individuals were the highlight of my day.  Brooks Brothers prides itself on the quality of its products.  I’d rather lick the floors at a Lumber Liquidators than buy another gimmicky piece of shit from Brooks Brothers.

Reagan be with you.

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