Awkward Moments (2/22/2017)

Approximately five to six weeks ago, our firm won a new engagement: our client was/is a women owned business with a demanding (and absolutely baller) female CEO.  Following the kickoff meeting, I was working my ass off for this chick.

Well, a few days later, I was at home on my stairmaster, doing steps in my boxer briefs (tighter and more form fitting than most boxers).  After maybe 20 minutes of taking steps in my briefs, the tip of my dick started to burn like a mofo.  So I took my briefs off and did stairs in the nude for another 10 minutes.

But my tip was still hurting.  Even bleeding ever so slightly.  I examined my John Thomas following the workout and realized that my tip had an abrasion from rubbing against the briefs.  Uh oh!

I went to shower and YEOWWWWWWW did it hurt under the water.  Soaping my womb broom was out of the question.  Then… I tried to pee.  The burning sensation was out of this world.  Peeing would not be an option.  But, FUCK!  I’m working insane hours, living on coffee, and also taking creatine for my workouts.  As a result, during that period, I was peeing maybe every 20 – 30 minutes.  What was I going to do?  The pain was unbearable and I couldn’t even get a trickle going without excruciating pain.  I manned up (or not…), and held it in for as long as possible.  Went two, maybe three hours before I couldn’t hold it any longer.  Bit the bullet, went to the washroom and opened the shower curtain, grabbed my clam hammer, and released into the shower, knowing full well I wouldn’t have any aim control.  The pain was remarkable.

In the hours and two days following the incident, I stopped drinking all liquids and cycled off the creating briefly.  It was hard to not caffeinate while working such strenuous hours for this demanding female business owner and CEO, but my skin flute needed the time off.

In short (and this is the moral of the story), I started working for a woman and immediately my penis stopped working.

Two days later, my yogurt slinger was back to normal (I’m happy to report that 7 days a week, that squeaky wheel gets the grease) and my work/life balance was back to the usual: wake up in the morning, window shades up, focus on work, drink a coffee, window shades down, fire up Heroes of the Storm.  Rinse.  And.  Repeat.

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