Song of the Day (2/28/2018)

Today, White House Communications Director Hope Hicks decided to take a knee and The Donald now needs to maneuver his staff until he can fill her hole. As such, today’s song of the day is Wild Thing by Tone-Loc.

Oh boy, this train car is NOT going to like what I had for lunch today. No worries, it’s not any worse than the girl who just hopped on in her workout gear. I could smell this girl’s clam sauce three cars over.

To the capital markets!

– DD


A StarCraft II Battle Gets Epic

Begin fluffing your neckbeards, here’s something a friend recently sent:

I just played a game against DoubleTeaming. He opts for the roach ravager timing attack. I surrender my third base and valiantly hold back, massing up my roach defenses and waiting for my upgrades to finish. His ravagers launch corrosive bile and destroy one of my evolution chambers. Only the attack upgrade will finish, I realize. Will it be enough? At the last possible second, I form the perfect concave and push out. My upgrade advantage is too potent. As I decimate my opponent’s army, his Zerg turn and flee. The remnants of my brood give chase until they encounter my enemy’s swarming reinforcements, now equipped with the speed upgrade. A Great War of Attrition begins, with my roaches valiantly meeting his roaches and hydralisks in the center of the map. As the war rages on, his hydralisks finally begin to gain ground. DoubleTeaming starts to push closer and closer. Now, only one line of my roaches stands between him and my drones. This is it. Suddenly, the sound of a shrieking giant worm bursting forth from the ground. It is the sound of my enemy’s annihilation. Ten of my ultralisks emerge from the Nydus Worm I have placed behind his army. As their great tusks slice his army to pieces, my opponent types “g,” and leaves the game. So hasty was he to abandon the sight of his utter destruction that he could not even manage “gg.”

Song of the Day (2/26/2018)

It’s a good one! In fact, it’s an absolutely fantastic song. It’s Sedona by Houndmouth. Give it a try. Now, some random photos to get your juices flowing.

And finally, to quote Tobias while eating at Burger King with Carl Weathers, “oh sure, as long as you don’t bring attention to it”:

Young, self interested, and confidence starved. Now in 57 flavors.

One more thing, speaking of sauces, I tried a new hot sauce last week and I’m enamored. It’s from Mexico and I picked some up while on a trip near the wall…on the good side! It’s Black Label Reserve Chile Habanero by my bad hombres at El Yucateco. It’s black in color and has a robust, smoky wood flavor and isn’t as hot on the Scoville Scale as the name and color would suggest. Pick up a bottle at your local Trader Jose’s or Walmex today.

I wonder if this is what Nasty Hillary carries in her purse while traveling with Hispanic constituents.

Song of the Day (2/18/2018)

Came across this weather report this week:

And just like the temperate outside, I’m feeling 22! Today’s song of the day is 22 by Taylor Swift. Positive, uplifting, catchy – just overlook the fact that the artist looks like a plastic sex doll with a VERY healthy dose of makeup caked on. How is that much makeup a good look?!?

Some big news in the investigation of Russian meddling in the U.S. elections. I understand that there may have been “NO COLLUSION” with the trump administration, but you can’t tell me Russia’s tactics didn’t influence the outcome. So this gives me an idea – elections for the Supreme People’s Assembly in North Korea are held every five years, the last being held in 2014. Wouldn’t it be simple enough to hire Vlad’s troll farm, create a number of fake profiles on North Korea’s various social media platforms, and run a smear campaign against Lil’ Rocket Man? We’ll pick one of his various challengers, connect with local, politically-charged organizers, and launch grassroots rallies to undermine LRM’s oppressive totalitarian regime. No problem.

Separately, a buddy sent me the following and I absolutely love it:

Next, a bad hombre sent me the following link: You Can Now Buy a Chocolate Mold of Your Partner’s Anus, Just in Time for the Holidays. Article below:

If you’re looking for something to say, “I love you, happy holidays!!” why not get a chocolate mold of your anus and gift it to your boo? Or, grab a mold of your significant other’s behind to show them just how much you adore their poop shoot. While it seems a bit crazy, and a bit #fakenews, this is the real deal, y’all. If you’re as obsessed with your partner’s ass as they are with yours, show them the right way by making it edible. Edible Anus, a company that specializes in – you guessed it – edible anus’, will send you a box of three chocolate butts for only $10. Magnus Irvin, the owner of Edible Anus, is clearly onto something here.

Irvin came up with this idea in 2006 when he was working on an art exhibit featuring several different color chocolate anus’ (you think he has a type?). He used his own anus apparently, and the product came out a bit messy. But, he came up with the idea to mold other people’s butts and sell them for profit. Even better.

When creating the mold, you’ll have to sit in a bit of an awkward position (obviously), but it’s all worth it for art and glory, am I right? If you’re not into chocolate and think it’s a bit too much like poop coming out of your anus, you can splurge and get your significant other a bronze or silver replica of your anus.

Don’t worry, it will only run you about $500 for them – a perfect price to pay for a beautiful booty-hole. People on Twitter were both amazed and dumbfounded that this is an actual business, but hey, to each their own.

Word to the wise? Don’t have beans the day before your mold appointment. Just sayin’.

Everyone Always Says That Our Generation Doesn’t Want to Make Anything…

…that we’re entitled, refuse the threat of hard labor, and are merely paper-pushers looking to make the next quick buck without actually producing anything.

Bullshit. That’s a Grade-A load of malarkey. That sort of nonsense is on par with Chelsea Manning kicking off its political campaign with theme song Born This Way by Lady Ga-gaaa. I have no qualms with rolling up my sleeves and getting to work. In fact, I have every intention of making the world’s first Quintuple Levered, Rolling Ten-Year Forward-Contract ETF based on a price-weighted, hourly-rebalanced, ever changing basket of Venezuelan-based cryptocurrencies.

And sort of like my caught-in-limbo friend R. Batory, this ETF may seem a bit ar-bitrary. And just like the threat of a proliferation of overly complex Venezuelan cryptocurrency ETFs, having too many FRA Deputy Administrators could be problematic, just Juan is good enough.

And now, I give you the greatest cereal you’ll ever eat again:

Well. Second only to Trix, but we all know how that turns out:

Random Bidtits (2/5/2018)

Fuck the Patriots, ya heard? Separately. How are my boys doing out there in these turbulent markets? Enjoying some volatility? I know it’s a rollercoaster but as my true finance boys know, you’ve got to speculate to accumulate.

And now, some photos to enjoy:

I hope everyone enjoyed watching the Patriots stumble on the national stage as much as I did. Great show. As was the SOTU address! Who else got face paint and streamers to watch the address? I was rocking the face paint pretty hard but it was still rather tame compared to Melania’s. Also, how do I reconcile Donny T-zone’s rhetoric that 1) he’s saving the manufacturing industry, while at the same time in his personal life, 2) he’s focused on supporting the service industry ala Stormy Daniels? Eh, I get it, and am actually cool with him focusing on the services sector. The last time he actually made something, it was the Trump children. And I do NOT, need another helping of that heap of gelled ruffians. Donald Jr, Eric, Barron, Ivanka? Ugh. And Tiffany?!? She looks like a life-long boxer. Or boxer’s wife in the case of Mike Tyson.

Ellen Pao.

And finally, does anyone else have someone in their life who sends text messages or leaves voicemails with “call me, I have something to tell you” with literally NO ADDITIONAL DETAIL?!? This bullshit has to end. This is what anarchy looks like, people.

Well, I’m back to watching the markets open in Japan, China, and Best Korea.