Gobias Industries…

This is the first time any of us at Gobias have heard of a land deal!

…have you seen the latest agricultural report? Coffee is up, nothing is hotter than coffee…

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Happy Halloween!

Little known fact from Arrested Development: in all of the holiday episodes, Lupe can we seen wearing a Bluth family sweater from the most recent prior holiday.

“FINE!!!  I’LL DOESBUSTER!!!”

Anyone else notice that Jerome Powell is a cross between Dr. Oz and Ron Paul?

Happy Halloween!  Hey.  Why do fish like Salt Water?  Because they’re allergic to pepper!

How do you Drown a Hipster? (and Song of the Day)

Throw him in the main stream.

Check it, frozen spicy rice from TJ’s, chicken, tomato soup, goat cheese, and some seasonings.  Make it in bulk and it lasts days!

And for my finance friends boning up on their ampersands and abbreviations:

Nah, candidly, I opened this thing and it was painfully amateur.  I’d rather pinch my nugget pouch in a DVD case than read another page.

Today’s song of the day is Baba O‘Riley by The Ghost of Paul Revere. (The alternative video by the same band is arguably a better sound). LOOK AT THAT VIEW COUNT!  ADMIRE MY APPRECIATION FOR OBSCURE, UNDERGROUND ARTISTS?!?

Most Ballin Uber Driver Ever and Other Potty Jokes

A) Sorry to block out the location info.  It is Uber, so she’s not in London.  It is not an UberBoat, so she’s not in Puerto Rico.  There is a functioning street lamp, so she’s not in North Korea.  She does speak English, so she’s not in Miami or SoCal.  She is driving, so she’s not in Saudi Arabia (for now).  She does like restaurants, so she’s not in the Upper East Side.

B):

Eh, fuck it.  Today’s song of the day is Movin’ Like Bernie by ISA.  Watch the video.

And finally:

This might be too gay even for the Hot Cops:

Oh and this:

And this complete sack of shit:

And finally, finally, they finally made a shirt for I-banking’s Technology, Media, and Telecom group:

About damn time.  These TMT guys labor harder than anyone else, had to fight to get to the top against all odds, and pull themselves up by their bootstraps.  About damn time the world finally recognizes the TMT industry group for all the blood, sweat, and tears it took to make it on top.

Oh, and apparently I live in the same building as America’s next top starving actress:

…METAPHORICALLY, of course.  What are we if not self aware and intellectually honest?  Anyone hear of any casting calls for SuperSize Me 2.0?  Perhaps we can star her in a movie as a confused Helios, chasing a cheese curd across the sky.

Song of the Day (10/2/2017)

Salutations!  It’s my fancy way of saying…hello!  Today’s song of the day is a new one: it’s What Lovers Do by Maroon 5 and SZA.

So we all know of Martin Shkreli (aka Pharma Bro) and how much of an anus he is, but did you know that he has two unexpected doppelgängers?  The first being American conservative commentator Ben Shapiro:

And the second being Steve Burns’ replacement on Nick Jr’s Blue’s Clues, Donovan Patton:

Eerie, isn’t it?  Moving right along to this:

Are you a self-proclaimed coffee aficionado?  Lover of chocolate chip cookies?  Well!  Then you’ll detest this shit.  Admittedly, I’m one for the flavored creamers – some of them are too good not to enjoy.  But this chocolate chip cookie shit is disgusting.  Don’t buy, don’t try.  Speaking of not trying, make sure you don’t try to go to key west in the next two weeks.

Unless you’re looking to go south, see some sparks fly, and get wet.  Am I right, girls?  And finally, some car stuffs for my autophiles.  The first is a Ferrari with some epic decals (remember, racing stripes make a car go faster):

And a final thought for my AD thrill seakers:

Schadenfreude 101

First off, a little photo:

And now an article from Bloomberg.  “That sounds like another one of those gradeless, structureless, new age feel-gooderies.” – Michael Bluth

Startup Juicero Shutters Operations and Seeks a Buyer

By Eric Newcomer
September 1, 2017, 2:37 PM EDT September 1, 2017, 3:35 PM EDT

Juicero Inc., the vegetable and fruit juice startup that raised more than $100 million from investors, said it will suspend sales, offer refunds to customers and search for a buyer for the company.

The decision to shut down its business comes four months after a Bloomberg News report that the company’s juice packets could be squeezed by hand and didn’t require Juicero’s machine, which cost $400. The machine had previously sold for $700, before the price cut.

Juicero announced the decision in a statement Friday posted on its website. “It became clear that creating an effective manufacturing and distribution system for a nationwide customer base requires infrastructure that we cannot achieve on our own as a standalone business,” the San Francisco-based company said. Chief Executive Officer Jeff Dunn announced in July that the company would cut 25 percent of its staff, primarily in sales and marketing, and try to lower the price of its machine and juice packs.

Alphabet’s venture arm GV, Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers, Artis Ventures and Josh Kushner’s Thrive Capital are among the startups investors.

Some investors hoped the company’s internet-connected machine would do for juice what the Keurig, a coffee maker that required customers to keep buying its cartridges, did for coffee. Juicero sold its expensive juicer promising force “enough to lift two Teslas” along with packets of juice costing $5 to $7 each.

Juicero’s founder Doug Evans boasted about the technical complexity of the company’s juicer. “There are 400 custom parts in here,” he told Recode. “There’s a scanner; there’s a microprocessor; there’s a wireless chip, wireless antenna.”

Bloomberg revealed in an April article, accompanied by video evidence, that the juice machine was hardly a necessity since the packets could be more quickly squeezed by hand.

Juicero said Friday that it will offer refunds of its presses for the next 90 days. Pack subscriptions are ending the week of Sept. 4. Fortune earlier reported Juicero’s decision to cease operations.

“As we enter this new chapter, we also want to express the deepest gratitude to our employees who have poured their hearts and souls into developing, launching and growing Juicero over the past 3 years,” the company said in its statement.