Arrested Development: Speaking of Settling…

Speaking of settling, how’s Ann?

Here’s an amazing YouTube video (under 3 minutes long) that crosses AD with Star Wars. It’s a trailer/background of Star Wars but delivered in the AD trailer format. Well worth your time.

And here’s a second YouTube video that’s not quite as entertaining but still enlightening. It’s a more academic overview (10 minutes long) of how AD delivers its jokes and keeps them going.

And finally, none of you knew this until now but I’m experimenting with making my own soap. Doing some diving into soap making materials on Amazon and I’m not quiiiiiite sure how item #3 slipped into the list of soap materials:

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I’m Reading a Book About Anti-Gravity…

It’s impossible to put down!

Only messing, brah. Gotta keep it clean today – it’s just one of those nights. Before I begin, can we all appreciate the beauty of this pink house in Charleston, South Carolina/East Georgia?

The house and the flora are gorgeous. To quote my boy Jackie Chiles,

Back to more immature matters. I’ve been reaching out to a number of marketing industry participants recently and came across, figuratively, 1) Sean Creamer, Merkle Inc and 2) David Sackman, Lieberman Research Worldwide. Email addresses? Screamer@merkleinc and DSackman@LRW. One of these guys would do well at Chicago’s DOM Capital Group. The other? Might not.

My black colleague (I also count him as “my black friend” and yes, I’m allowed to double up) had to leave work last week to watch his son participate in a fun run. I blurted out “this sounds more like a color run” followed by a long and rather uncomfortable stare.

From time to time, I’m willing to resist the teaming masses of potential suitors at my door and focus on having sex with my hand. If prostitution is the world’s oldest job, giving a handshake to Russel the love mussel is the world’s oldest hobby. But what if having sex with your hand is a bit too 20th century for you millennials? Well, now, you can have intimate, tantric sex ON your hand!

Andddd obligatory Arrested Development shoutout:

Ladies and gentlemen, or maybe at this point, just gentlemen, I can assure you that my knowledge at the confluence of romantic doggy boning and personal electronics knows no bounds. It’s probably best that we don’t let Tim Cook see these fuck pieces, lest the next version of the iWatch get banned from religious institutions and public schools. I don’t need two dongs for hour and minute hands nor do I need to watch some gilded, versatile men contemplate who’s taking the next hour hand chode.

And there certainly wouldn’t be a market for children. Although I could see a market developing with Subway’s Jared. The Subway Guy may indeed have more DNA on his collection of children’s watches than they have in an entire chicken breast footlong.

And finally, I give you the world’s greatest company slogan:

So much better than those assholes over there at Ford or the homos at General Motors.

Can You Smell What the Dilettante is Cookin’?

As a select few of you know, I’m a superb chef and artist of the kitchen when I’m not aggressively leafing through materials at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. I recently crafted the following:

Sweet potato, Greek yogurt, feta cheese, corn-based salsa, Valentina hot sauce, baby, YOU GOT A STEW GOIN!

For those of you not familiar with my girl Valentina, she’s a stone-cold Fox from south of the wall. Absolutely delicious in every way and only $1.79/bottle in a relatively expensive area.

And finally, no introduction needed on the following:

This posting is brought to you by Chesterfield sin-sticks, buy the beautiful Christmas-card carton!

Song of the Day (4/3/2018)

Time is of the essence! Today’s song of the day is another great pump-up jam. It’s Summer Air by Italobrothers. Now for some photos of the week.

Obligatory Arrested Development shoutout as it’s been too long:

Awesome shoutout to Señor Jefe Bezos:

Shoutout to my boy Bruce Wayne and that Mexican chick from Black Widow or Americana Chavez or whatever: (she’s not that Mexican, mom, she’s my Mexican. And she’s Colombian or something – GOB)

GET IT INNNN!!!! Okay, this following photo really got my blood flowing. Guess which individual in the photo is the owner of this LinkedIn profile:

I’ll give you a hint: IT’S THE AWKWARD-AS-FUCK, SNIFFLING, WEASELLY SACK OF SHIT IN THE TOP RIGHT. Who does this on LinkedIn? Who. Does this.

And finally, the Manhattan GMAT has some pretty progressive views on how to best prepare for the exam:

I didn’t realize Manhattan GMAT has such a throbbing erection to send its dazed and confused students to the Haas School of Business at Berkeley. Are you picking up what I’m throwing down? Right on, brah.

Song of the Day (2/26/2018)

It’s a good one! In fact, it’s an absolutely fantastic song. It’s Sedona by Houndmouth. Give it a try. Now, some random photos to get your juices flowing.

And finally, to quote Tobias while eating at Burger King with Carl Weathers, “oh sure, as long as you don’t bring attention to it”:

Young, self interested, and confidence starved. Now in 57 flavors.

One more thing, speaking of sauces, I tried a new hot sauce last week and I’m enamored. It’s from Mexico and I picked some up while on a trip near the wall…on the good side! It’s Black Label Reserve Chile Habanero by my bad hombres at El Yucateco. It’s black in color and has a robust, smoky wood flavor and isn’t as hot on the Scoville Scale as the name and color would suggest. Pick up a bottle at your local Trader Jose’s or Walmex today.

I wonder if this is what Nasty Hillary carries in her purse while traveling with Hispanic constituents.

Everyone Always Says That Our Generation Doesn’t Want to Make Anything…

…that we’re entitled, refuse the threat of hard labor, and are merely paper-pushers looking to make the next quick buck without actually producing anything.

Bullshit. That’s a Grade-A load of malarkey. That sort of nonsense is on par with Chelsea Manning kicking off its political campaign with theme song Born This Way by Lady Ga-gaaa. I have no qualms with rolling up my sleeves and getting to work. In fact, I have every intention of making the world’s first Quintuple Levered, Rolling Ten-Year Forward-Contract ETF based on a price-weighted, hourly-rebalanced, ever changing basket of Venezuelan-based cryptocurrencies.

And sort of like my caught-in-limbo friend R. Batory, this ETF may seem a bit ar-bitrary. And just like the threat of a proliferation of overly complex Venezuelan cryptocurrency ETFs, having too many FRA Deputy Administrators could be problematic, just Juan is good enough.

And now, I give you the greatest cereal you’ll ever eat again:

Well. Second only to Trix, but we all know how that turns out: