D-Trump Dropping it Like it’s Haute (and Song of the Day)

If you haven’t seen it, Donald Trump took precious moments away from his 2020 campaign to shower Puerto Ricans with American generosity.  Nothing says “White America is here to help you” like mushroom tipping a bunch of Puerto Rican Oompa Loompas in the face with the Brawny Man.  Who cares about delivering internet and power, I won’t sleep until we’ve cut down the entire Amazon Rainforest to get these mother fuckin’ Puerto Ricans, on these mother fuckin’ paper towels.  Those are going to be some chaffed assholes down there and they haven’t even digested their pension obligations yet.  Oh it’s going to be a surprise, A RUDE, PAINFUL SURPRISE.

Now time for some self awareness:

Are you fucking kidding me?  These guys couldn’t land a touchdown with their wives.  Or side pieces.  Speaking of having a main bitch, and a mistress, and a couple of girl friends, being so hood rich, today’s song of the day is Head of the State by Baracka Flacka Flames.

An image for my girls still at the office tonight:

And finally, the McLaren P1, because a girl can dream, right?

Roping off a $1.2 million car with a plastic barrier chain?  Nice, McLaren.  Maybe it’s time you Brexit from the auto industry and focus on pushing cheap hats and questionably sourced keychains like Ferrari.  AHHH SKEET SKEET SKEET!

And finally, Chick-fil-A has been rubbing off on Jimmy Johns (assuming the Bible says that’s okay):

Nothing bespeaks “thank god we live in America” like a black guy desperately trying to strip himself of ownership-administered shackles.  I don’t know, that meat and bread on the right looks a little gay, over under Chick-fil-A walks from the deal?

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Song of the Day (10/2/2017)

Salutations!  It’s my fancy way of saying…hello!  Today’s song of the day is a new one: it’s What Lovers Do by Maroon 5 and SZA.

So we all know of Martin Shkreli (aka Pharma Bro) and how much of an anus he is, but did you know that he has two unexpected doppelgängers?  The first being American conservative commentator Ben Shapiro:

And the second being Steve Burns’ replacement on Nick Jr’s Blue’s Clues, Donovan Patton:

Eerie, isn’t it?  Moving right along to this:

Are you a self-proclaimed coffee aficionado?  Lover of chocolate chip cookies?  Well!  Then you’ll detest this shit.  Admittedly, I’m one for the flavored creamers – some of them are too good not to enjoy.  But this chocolate chip cookie shit is disgusting.  Don’t buy, don’t try.  Speaking of not trying, make sure you don’t try to go to key west in the next two weeks.

Unless you’re looking to go south, see some sparks fly, and get wet.  Am I right, girls?  And finally, some car stuffs for my autophiles.  The first is a Ferrari with some epic decals (remember, racing stripes make a car go faster):

And a final thought for my AD thrill seakers:

GTA Real Life: The Faggio Chronicles

Who here remembers the GTA series from our youth?  If so, you will remember the Faggio: a parody of both Vespa and Piaggio.  Here’s a photo from the game:

Cool, right?  Well I came across the ULTIMATE Faggio last weekend.  Huge faggio move.  Big league faggio.  Thanks, guy.

Dick move when I’m desperately searching for parking.  The guy is probably in the bar, sipping on a tall cool one:

Book plug time.  I read/listen to a book every two weeks and have been experimenting lately.  One that HAS to be on your list, even if you have but only the faintest interest in this stuff, is Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Astrophysics for People in a Hurry.  Run to your library (or use the free Hoopla app for your phone) and get this book.  When Amazon recommends “Origins” by NDT, don’t worry, you basically already read it if you got through Astrophysics for Hombres in a Hurry.

Oh!  Is anyone up for a game?  Back, wayyyy back, before The Cookie Monster gave up carbs (cookies) for…well for other carbs (fruits and veggies), and before Mitt Romney threatened to put a bullet in Big Bird and cut funding, there was a game Big Bird played that he/she/it called One of These Things (although not every episode centered around him playing with his “yummy yummy bird seed,” even going as far as burying his/her/confused/undecided/but likely his nose in it).  Now I leave it to you: which one of these things is not like the others:

It’s hard to find so I’ll give you a hint: it’s in the middle up near the top, it’s small and undistinguished, it’s pink, and sometimes it can be hard to find in the broader sea of undulating movements.

And finally, food porn time!!!

Random Bidtits (8/30/2017)

Banging through some life observations and cool shit from the last few weeks:

1)  Here is an article from the Wall Street Journal with some stunning photos of undersea life: Into the Deep: The Underwater Photography Awards.

2)  Here is an article from The New Yorker that is absolutely worth your time but will take a while to get through: Donald Trump’s Ghostwriter Tells All.  You won’t find a single surprise throughout the article.  Orange you glad I found this?

3)  Incoming book recommendation!  As a rule, I typically don’t read self-help books but this one came strongly recommended and I pass that on to you.  It’s: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson.  It’s a quick read and worth your time if you’re open minded.  Check out the Amazon reviews in the link.  I finished this last week after reading four Agatha Christie books last month.  Yes, Agatha Christie is the Goosebumps of adulthood but it’s easy and light and quick.  I did see a great Arrested Development shout out in the back of one of her books (also, look at those prices!):

And the Arrested Development connection:

4)  Quick, somewhat terrifying side note.  I cringe when I see the words “clinger” and “loosening” used in the same sentence:

5)  I spent last weekend in the back country of Virginia and West Virginia and it was absolutely gorgeous.  World renowned white water rafting, spelunking, The Greenbrier (including A TRUE CROQUET COURT!!!), the Omni and it’s surrounding thermal springs, and the New River Gorge Bridge (as seen on the back of the West Virginia quarter).  The Greenbrier is well worth your time.  However, there was some subtle racism under the banner of “southern charm”:

Which in reality looked like this:

There was also a memorial highway in honor of the armed forces…sponsored by the one and only West Virginia Garden Club, Inc.  You know, that’s an obvious overlap.

Also came across a new food group that may need to replace pork rinds at our next bro-get-together:

As well as a gas station WITH RACING FUEL:

And the nerdiest corner I’ve ever walked into:

My neckbeard grew three sizes that day.

6)  And finally, I saw the license plate below which reminded me of a terrific scene from Family Guy.

The 2017 Vision Mercedes-Maybach 6 Cabriolet

Cabriolet!  Cabriolet!  Cabriolet!…  It’s only a model.‘  Yes, indeed, I made a reference to Monty Python.  And indeed, it’s only a concept car.  But it’s a fantasy car that has 750 fake horses under the massive hood, an all-electric, all-fantasy 200 mile range, and a look that is absolutely stunning.  Brace yourselves, the Germans are coming.  The following photos represent beautiful works of art. And just like the Germans, I shamelessly stole these pieces of art, mostly from Google Images.

Song of the Day (8/2/2017)

Annyong!  WOOOOO!!!!  Today’s song of the day is a great one so buckle up, buckaroo.  It’s Flashdance What a Feeling by Irene Cara.  The woman who’s so nice, they named her twice.  Moving right along.  I have a personal trainer friend who spends his days walking around the gym, incessantly talking about “laying pipe,” even going so far as sharing this mantra with the female patrons/teaming masses.  Apparently, even “laying pipe” was too subtle for Matt:

Speaking of easy women (and fast cars), my Flyin’ Hawaiian was ALL too excited to listen to this ‘Rari purr:

She’s a real slut for Ferrari but then again, so am I.  Viva la Ferrari 458!!! Somewhat related, I passed a license plate last night that was DRYPOWDR.  My erection grew three sizes that day.  That’s all for today.  Though I did come across this license plate holder from Sandi in Illinois (trigger alert: it’s a Kia):


Pothead.

I’ll let everyone get back to their news and Trumpmania.  Donald Trump…putting the “panic” back in Hispanic.

Song of the Day (6/6/2017)

Today’s song of the day is If You Leave by Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark.  Beyond that, I saw my first ever Bugatti Veyron last week:

That’s a 16 cylinder, 1,000+ HP car that’ll burn through its entire 26 gallon gas tank in approximately 12 minutes at top speed (254 MPH).  I’m so hard right now.  Not only did I see the car, I touched it…

Well, who wants to get nerdy and play some HOTS?  I took some senna lax and just pooped so probably good to squeeze in a 25 minute game.