BIG Hair, Don’t Care!

Taken from her LinkedIn profile. I’ve spent the better part of the last week trying to determine if 1) this woman’s hair was blown up to 3x its natural size or if 2) this woman’s head was shrunken down to a pin. Is there a camera filter that reduces flesh but leaves inanimate objects unadulterated? Can someone please get this woman a fucking coif?!? She looks like the woman from Mars Attacks, if her hairdo sank down another 12 inches:

Speaking of awesome hairdos, I bumped into a suggested contact on LinkedIn who’s trying a littttttle too hard to mimic our stable genius who’s currently enjoying his position in Lady Liberty’s oval…office:

And finally, the world’s best intro for a LinkedIn profile below. The guy is a customer service representative and was previously a lacrosse coach after graduating from Illinois State University.

Did he just google “business buzzword” and start listing shit?!? There’s more linear thinking in the Oval Office than in this profile.

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I’m Reading a Book About Anti-Gravity…

It’s impossible to put down!

Only messing, brah. Gotta keep it clean today – it’s just one of those nights. Before I begin, can we all appreciate the beauty of this pink house in Charleston, South Carolina/East Georgia?

The house and the flora are gorgeous. To quote my boy Jackie Chiles,

Back to more immature matters. I’ve been reaching out to a number of marketing industry participants recently and came across, figuratively, 1) Sean Creamer, Merkle Inc and 2) David Sackman, Lieberman Research Worldwide. Email addresses? Screamer@merkleinc and DSackman@LRW. One of these guys would do well at Chicago’s DOM Capital Group. The other? Might not.

My black colleague (I also count him as “my black friend” and yes, I’m allowed to double up) had to leave work last week to watch his son participate in a fun run. I blurted out “this sounds more like a color run” followed by a long and rather uncomfortable stare.

From time to time, I’m willing to resist the teaming masses of potential suitors at my door and focus on having sex with my hand. If prostitution is the world’s oldest job, giving a handshake to Russel the love mussel is the world’s oldest hobby. But what if having sex with your hand is a bit too 20th century for you millennials? Well, now, you can have intimate, tantric sex ON your hand!

Andddd obligatory Arrested Development shoutout:

Ladies and gentlemen, or maybe at this point, just gentlemen, I can assure you that my knowledge at the confluence of romantic doggy boning and personal electronics knows no bounds. It’s probably best that we don’t let Tim Cook see these fuck pieces, lest the next version of the iWatch get banned from religious institutions and public schools. I don’t need two dongs for hour and minute hands nor do I need to watch some gilded, versatile men contemplate who’s taking the next hour hand chode.

And there certainly wouldn’t be a market for children. Although I could see a market developing with Subway’s Jared. The Subway Guy may indeed have more DNA on his collection of children’s watches than they have in an entire chicken breast footlong.

And finally, I give you the world’s greatest company slogan:

So much better than those assholes over there at Ford or the homos at General Motors.

Song of the Day (4/26/2018)

Today’s song of the day is Ball and Chain by Social Distortion. I’d love to give a shoutout to the 1990s but this little doozy was released in 1990 – crazy to have come out so early in the decade given it’s squarely a 1990s feel.

Staying on the topic of balls and social distortions: Donald Trump’s PEN15. Maybe you’ve seen it, maybe you haven’t. We agree it’s there and it’s probably been inside at least one B-list pornstar’s fun box. A couple of amusing articles on the topic:

Changing subjects, a currently relevant photo that I loved:

And the world’s best email sign-off:

And a couple of baller license plates. You’ll have to be patient, I meant to do a real post here but ran out of time.

Article: Alzheimer’s Disease Is Completely Reversed By Removing Just One Enzyme In New Study

Article link is here.  See below for the article:

An experimental treatment completely reversed Alzheimer’s disease in mice by reducing the levels of a single enzyme in the animals’ brains. The results further bolster the theory that amyloid plaques are at the root of this mysterious brain disease, and that addressing these plaques could lead to an eventual cure for Alzheimer’s.

The study, published February 14 in the Journal of Experimental Medicine, found that slowly reducing levels of the enzyme BACE1 in mice as they aged either prevented or reversed the formation of amyloid plaques in the brain, a hallmark sign of Alzheimer’s disease.

Amyloid plaques, formed when bits of protein clump together in the brain, are found in high amounts in Alzheimer’s patients. BACE1 is a protein that naturally forms in the brain and helps produce beta-amyloid peptide, a protein also involved with brain plaque formation.

Scientists at the Cleveland Clinic theorized that reducing BACE1 in the brain would have a trickle-down effect, reducing plaque formation. In their experiment, they examined mice bred to both develop Alzheimer’s and gradually produce less BACE1 enzyme as they age, the latter through the removal of a crucial gene. These mice should have developed Alzheimer’s disease, but without BACE1, they did not. Instead, they developed normally and remained healthy well into old age.

The researchers observed that reducing BACE1 levels not only prevented Alzheimer’s in mice, but also reversed the disease in animals who had already begun to show signs.

Offspring of the original BACE1 knockout mice also showed a similar reduction in their BACE1 levels. But these offspring did not have the initial protection from the disease and eventually began to form brain plaques. As the second generation of mice continued to age, though, they continued to lose BACE1 activity. Eventually, their brain plaques began to disappear. By the end of the study, the mice offspring showed absolutely no plaques at all in their brain.

Dr. Richard Isaacson, director of the Alzheimer’s Prevention Clinic at New York-Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medicine told Newsweek that the results were promising and added further evidence that BACE1 inhibitor could be an effective Alzheimer’s treatment. But he warned that it’s too early to celebrate just yet. Mice are too different from humans for us to take these results as anything.

“The completely other side of the coin is that 99 percent of all clinical drug trials [for Alzheimer’s disease] have failed, and we don’t know why,” said Isaacson, who was not involved in the new study. “Maybe amyloid [plaque buildups] isn’t the right target.”

And even if amyloids are the right target, Isaacson explained, we’d still have a minimum of five to seven years before we would know if the same approach is helpful in humans.

Still, Dr. Daniel Franc, a neurologist at Providence Saint John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, California, said that regardless of whether this exact finding can be successfully translated to humans, the results are still important.

“I would say that this is an incremental finding. It’s not revolutionary, but it does add further support to current ongoing approaches,” said Franc, adding that if anything, the research simply gives him hope that we are on the right path to finding a viable treatment. “I don’t think there has ever been a better time to think that we will have interventions for Alzheimer’s.”

FUCK YEAH, AMERICAN INGENUITY!

Most Obnoxious LinkedIn Profile. Ever.

So glad we have what he goes by for his middle name. First and only? Really? Game changer? Really?

There’s too much to dissect here. Think tank leader?!?

Bowling Green State University. YOU WENT TO BOWLING GREEN STATE UNIVERSITY. NOT NORTHWESTERN. NOT HARVARD. NOT CORNELL. FUCKING. BOWLING. GREEN. STATE.

I want everyone to message and harass this Frickhead. Remind him that life didn’t turn out the way he thought it would and it’s only going downhill from here. For him and for Cleveland.

Now on a lighter note:

And:

Now go off and harass Nicholas James.

Song of the Day (4/3/2018)

Time is of the essence! Today’s song of the day is another great pump-up jam. It’s Summer Air by Italobrothers. Now for some photos of the week.

Obligatory Arrested Development shoutout as it’s been too long:

Awesome shoutout to Señor Jefe Bezos:

Shoutout to my boy Bruce Wayne and that Mexican chick from Black Widow or Americana Chavez or whatever: (she’s not that Mexican, mom, she’s my Mexican. And she’s Colombian or something – GOB)

GET IT INNNN!!!! Okay, this following photo really got my blood flowing. Guess which individual in the photo is the owner of this LinkedIn profile:

I’ll give you a hint: IT’S THE AWKWARD-AS-FUCK, SNIFFLING, WEASELLY SACK OF SHIT IN THE TOP RIGHT. Who does this on LinkedIn? Who. Does this.

And finally, the Manhattan GMAT has some pretty progressive views on how to best prepare for the exam:

I didn’t realize Manhattan GMAT has such a throbbing erection to send its dazed and confused students to the Haas School of Business at Berkeley. Are you picking up what I’m throwing down? Right on, brah.

Song of the Day (3/27/2018)

Hola! Today’s song of the day is Blue Suede Shoes by Komodo. Solid pump-up song for those sad sacks out there who are feeling deflated and just dragging.

Some random thoughts today to get your noggin turning. First, does anyone here feel that the NYSE is guilty of entrapment for letting retail investors buy shares of BP? It’s been 8 years since the last oil-soaked black swan event and BP is likely due for another. ENTRAPMENT, MY DEAR BOY!

Second, the executives at United Airlines have been catching a lot of heat lately for killing an innocent dog. I guess this means we’re just going to overlook the executives at Korean Air and give them a free pass / meal ticket?

That was culturally insensitive. How could I! Moving right along before this anti-Korean business turns excessively ugly and we drop the obligatory Ellen Pao shout out. Much like the female agitator after just two beers, it’s very much tongue-in-cheek before falling flat.

Next is a photo an hombre, mas o menos mal, sent me:

And finally, something that will make your thinning southern hair stand on end: