Song of the Day (9/7/2018)

But before I begin, this:

Yes, China’s richest man and eternally adorable Mogwai, Gizmo could leave Alibaba in the near future. For the sake of keeping Geofredo Bezos busy and honest, hope that doesn’t happen. I side with Alibaba – we need to keep Amazon’s American imperialist aggressors at bay.

The song of the day. I may have shared this one before but it’s too good to not share again. It’s Disco Inferno by The Trammps.

Now, here are some license plates, bumper stickers, and signs from recent travels for your feigned enjoyment:

(I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley)

Bonus points to Arch Stanton for finding these gems:

Apologies for the grab bag of random shit in this posting. Remember to keep shopping Alibaba – we need to put food on the table for Jack Ma. Just nothing after midnight.

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Song of the Day (8/28/2018)

Salaam and good evening to you. I’m gonna pull on your coat with a good one today – it’s Ramblin’ Man by The Allman Brothers Band. Super catchy. Now, some delicious food and disgusting drink to whet your whistle:

I tried the pizza chips…they tasted like pizza. Still waiting to dive into the jalapeño pooper chips. As for the drink, I doubt I’ll ever be willing to try that shit after slamming Four Lokos so many years ago (back during the original formula).

Also! Meet the new CEO of Ben and Jerry’s. He’s exactly what you’d expect…if you assumed that Ben and Jerry’s is some socially conscious, left leaning social justice warrior and didn’t know that it’s actually owned by Unilever, which has been polluting the world with its rapacious, win at any cost brand of capitalism since you slid out of your mammy’s ass. Well, here’s your new boy:

Oh shit! Is he going to get me for libel? He’s probably sitting there, reading my blog, thinking “I need to sue.” He wouldn’t be the only one…

And finally, this was forwarded to me by the baddest of bad hombres:

And truly finally. Did Columbus have a first mate named “Indigenous Peoples?”

Tuesday’s with the Disillusioned Dilettante. Write that down.

Song of the Day (8/14/2018)

What up, WordPress!  Today’s song of the day is Bringin’ on the Heartbreak by Def Leppard.  Epic.  I have some random crap to share with you today so sit back, unbutton your fly, and let it all hang out as I serenade you with my rap.  Typing is going VERY fast as this is only the second time I’ve posted on a computer.  Random shit to follow:

  • Where are my Western Frontierspeople (#feminism) in this readership?  Okay, now that I’ve narrowed it down to two of you (one of them being me), who among you remaining individuals is a BIG LEAGUE fan of private equity/venture capital?  Down to just me now?  Well, Disillusioned Dilettante, you’re going to love the fuck out of Lowercase Capital.  Go to the firm’s website and you’ll be immersed in a perfect marriage between frontier manifest destiny and rockstar PE/VC returns.  Best.  Investment Firm.  Ever.  John Wayne would’ve been proud.  Their list of portfolio companies is under the “Posse” section and is segmented by current holdings (“Still on the Range”) and exited investments (“Sold off Their Claims”).  Apply to this firm.

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  • Planning on having a child soon?  Not planning on having a child but still having a child soon?  Great!  Want to figure out a way to REALLY jump start your child’s 529 college saving plan?  Bet on the sex (“gender” or do I smell another lawsuit from LGBTQIA?) of your baby!  BabyBookie allows you to start a baby pool and let your friends and family bet on your child’s genitals, among other possible wagers.  Place your bet on the baby’s arrival date, gender, weight, or length.  Turns out having children can have its minor thrills.
  • Like big military equipment?  Want to drive around, pretending you’re just innocent, little old Uncle Sam fighting off the ever-threatening, oppressive trade war regimes of the orient?  Well get your ass in the car and head to Kasota, Minnesota to try your hand at driving a tank.  Drive a Tank allows civilians to drive American tanks starting as low as $299 for the basic package and going up to $2,599 for the full package.  Driving tanks, crushing cars, shooting machine guns, perusing geodes at the gift shop.  There’s plenty to keep you busy.
  • The 78 maps they didn’t teach you in high school.  I question the academic rigor of some of these creations but they’re pretty interesting and likely worth your exploration.  Part 1 is here and part 2 is here.  Check them out, broheims.
  • Check out the Jacaranda Tree in Australia.  I think these only grow in this one area.  Photos below:

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“All I’m for is the liberty of the individual.” – John Wayne

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Song of the Day (8/8/2018)

I know it’s Wednesday, but:

Today’s EXCELLENT, OVER THE TOP CATCHY song of the day is Further On by Bronze Radio Return. Listen to it through. Don’t confuse this with Führer On by Adolf Ft. The Jeffersons. Sorry if that was a little on the nose – I’m sitting at work, popping out the world’s hardest turd. A true diamond dump, this thing has absolutely NO give. Rock hard. This turd is literally the last thing you want falling in the footwell and rolling behind the brake pedal. I take good poos.

I don’t understand the problem. I’ve been eating Whole Foods’ air-chilled chicken (below) but the poltergeist in my lower intestine remains.

Finally, a coworker brought in this Ukrainian crepes which are ON FLEEK. Home-made jam from her garden and it also has home-grown flower pedals that gave the crepe an almost surreal taste. Try some the next time you’re in Russia (née Ukraine).

Finally, an amusing license plate:

“I have tried to live my life so that my family would love me and my friends respect me. The others can do whatever the hell they please.” – John Wayne

Random Bidtits (7/24/2018)

Psyche!!!!! It’s a song of the day today and it’s San Francisco by Scott McKenzie. As some of you will know and none of you will care, I was in San Francisco last week and had quite the experience. Whether wading through a sea of homeless wanderers, stumbling into a dispensary 10 minutes before 8am open because you can’t wait another minute, or dodging a never ending platter of aggressive dick, San Francisco has something for everyone. The city is mostly safe. Still, avoid the clubs frequented by Kevin “it’s o-kay, I’m a gay” Spacey. Anyway, San Francisco is an eclectic city known to flip social norms on their head. For instance, I passed this group during my journey:

Just what are you looking at? It’s a group of Filipino missionaries spreading the word of God on the sinful, sodomized streets of San Fran. That’s a complete reversal from 50 years ago and I appreciate how the advanced Filipinos are willing to leave their families and homes behind to bring civilization to those Left Coast savages. So I donated a couple sawbucks.

By the way, quick digression:

Someone please help me understand why NYU is using rainbow colors on its logo. Why.

Back to my voyage. I saw many things, including this:

Look at that hair! Doesn’t it look like you’re staring at the ass end of a horse with this woman’s face peering through the horse’s ass? Of course is does. Speaking of ass, I got a strange alert on my rental car:

Anyone know what a courtesy wipe is in this situation? Do I floss my asscheeks with the seatbelt?

Fuck this blogging is too time consuming. Okay, adding photos from my travels and you write the punchline.

Ha! Good one.

Song of the Day (7/10/2018)

I just tore ass on the train and it smells like something heinous. People around me are cringing and disturbed paranoia and frantic confusion have gripped my end of the car with a swift vigor matched only by the violent shifts somewhere between my anus and small intestines. Fortunately, the good people at my hotel have my back(side) covered:

Happy Fourth of July!!! May Reagan bless your feast and affairs. Today’s song of the day is YOLO by The Lonely Island featuring Adam Levine and Kendrick Lamar.

I was near President Reagan’s hometown last week before the Fourth:

While many people will tell you that Dixon, IL is a dump best left to the pages of history, I’m not so sure. In fact, like my friend, the SpoiledBBW, Dixon is beautiful…gorgeous…unique…she fine!

Oh, and before I forget to remember, you all need to go out and read When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. Fucking great read and outlook on life and immortality. Read it last week and it’s quick. I also read The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin. Awful. I wouldn’t touch it with SpoiledBBW’s ten foot titty dildo.

Reagan bless this day.

Song of the Day (6/25/2018)

Hey girl! I was ass-deep in my dryer this weekend, attempting to unfuck the heating element when Alone by Heart came on the speakers. I proceeding to listen to it three more times following that initial orgasm. It’s super catchy so be careful, broheims. Speaking of ass-deep, I have to share a visual shared with me by Mr. Arch Stanton. To quote his oft-majestic prose, my ass has gotten hairy. It’s like someone hid a toupee between two couch cushions. Which reminds me, I need to give my coworker his scissors back.

Many of you know I’m a fan of hot foods. You also know I’m a fan of and quadrennial voter for John Wayne. Without further ado:

Do you like Louisiana style hot sauce? Love the heavy-on-the-vinegar taste? Pick up a bottle of this stuff. Delicious, not at all hot, and goes well on everything other than eggs and breakfast food (better left to Chalula):

Like fire Cheetos? Hot and spicy empty carbs? Don’t let the following name scare you, it’s spicy but not as hot as you’d expect:

And finally, for my fellow Wayne Eastwood 2020 voters, I ordered the fuck out of this over the weekend:

And finally, are you a fan of porn? Do you have a favorite website name? Not site, not genre, not tube aggregator, but site name? Currently, I’m digging:

Without ever visiting the site, you know EXACTLY what you’re getting here. That’s effective, high impact marketing. Doesn’t get much more black and white than that. Speaking of inherently knowing something without explicit details:

I don’t know what language that is (I think it’s French), but I again feel like I know EXACTLY what he saying. It’s inspiring how you don’t need to speak the same language to connect and find love. And in Bill Cosby’s case, they don’t need to speak at all. That one may have gone a bit too far. A tough pill to swallow for you SJW types…but like Bill Cosby, I’ll still verbally dress you down. GOOOOT ‘EM!