Song of the Day (3/17/2018)

Today’s song of the day is Night’s On Fire by David Nail. Country song but pretty mainstream and solid.

So. Stormy Daniels. Turning out to be a real headache for Donald Trump of the East and his team of winged monkeys. There’s a real threat that she’s going to come out and actually admit that she had sexual relations with Trump. That said, if Hillary were elected, we would’ve been similarly dismayed had Slick Willy come out and actually admit that he has had sexual relations with Hillary.

This Stormy business will all blow over in time. Knowing that Trump was there first, how many more guys can be willing to tongue punch her fart box? Much like the Apple iWatch, she’ll eventually be forgotten as the channels dry up and she finds herself sliding around too few fists.

Which brings me to my next point – Happy (belated) International Women’s Day (two Thursdays ago)! There’s a new female in my office who began earlier that week and we hired her as we’re absolutely swamped with projects and client mandates. While us guys were at the office until 1am that Thursday for an upcoming presentation, she chose to leave and head home slightly before 7pm, no shit. Coincidentally enough, that’s exactly 77% of the day! A HORSE, A HORSE, MY KINGDOM FOR A HORSE!!! Find me the female analyst who stays late into the evening, toiling away on the keyboard to perfect that presentation. Find me the female analyst who foregoes personal relationships and hobbies to put the client above all else. Which female analyst will take this message and deliver it to Garcia?

Well, it’s St. Patrick’s Day, and I’m off to buy some Irish Cod filets to tenderize and slow-cook. In turns out, much like Aziz Ansari, I like home cooking oysters and mussels in my own kitchen, only he ultimately found a clam he couldn’t crack.

Well I’m off to take a shit before running to the seafood market. I had an appointment so I need someone to tell them I’m running behind, but not that I have a runny behind!



Song of the Day (2/28/2018)

Today, White House Communications Director Hope Hicks decided to take a knee and The Donald now needs to maneuver his staff until he can fill her hole. As such, today’s song of the day is Wild Thing by Tone-Loc.

Oh boy, this train car is NOT going to like what I had for lunch today. No worries, it’s not any worse than the girl who just hopped on in her workout gear. I could smell this girl’s clam sauce three cars over.

To the capital markets!

– DD

Song of the Day (2/26/2018)

It’s a good one! In fact, it’s an absolutely fantastic song. It’s Sedona by Houndmouth. Give it a try. Now, some random photos to get your juices flowing.

And finally, to quote Tobias while eating at Burger King with Carl Weathers, “oh sure, as long as you don’t bring attention to it”:

Young, self interested, and confidence starved. Now in 57 flavors.

One more thing, speaking of sauces, I tried a new hot sauce last week and I’m enamored. It’s from Mexico and I picked some up while on a trip near the wall…on the good side! It’s Black Label Reserve Chile Habanero by my bad hombres at El Yucateco. It’s black in color and has a robust, smoky wood flavor and isn’t as hot on the Scoville Scale as the name and color would suggest. Pick up a bottle at your local Trader Jose’s or Walmex today.

I wonder if this is what Nasty Hillary carries in her purse while traveling with Hispanic constituents.


Song of the Day (2/18/2018)

Came across this weather report this week:

And just like the temperate outside, I’m feeling 22! Today’s song of the day is 22 by Taylor Swift. Positive, uplifting, catchy – just overlook the fact that the artist looks like a plastic sex doll with a VERY healthy dose of makeup caked on. How is that much makeup a good look?!?

Some big news in the investigation of Russian meddling in the U.S. elections. I understand that there may have been “NO COLLUSION” with the trump administration, but you can’t tell me Russia’s tactics didn’t influence the outcome. So this gives me an idea – elections for the Supreme People’s Assembly in North Korea are held every five years, the last being held in 2014. Wouldn’t it be simple enough to hire Vlad’s troll farm, create a number of fake profiles on North Korea’s various social media platforms, and run a smear campaign against Lil’ Rocket Man? We’ll pick one of his various challengers, connect with local, politically-charged organizers, and launch grassroots rallies to undermine LRM’s oppressive totalitarian regime. No problem.

Separately, a buddy sent me the following and I absolutely love it:

Next, a bad hombre sent me the following link: You Can Now Buy a Chocolate Mold of Your Partner’s Anus, Just in Time for the Holidays. Article below:

If you’re looking for something to say, “I love you, happy holidays!!” why not get a chocolate mold of your anus and gift it to your boo? Or, grab a mold of your significant other’s behind to show them just how much you adore their poop shoot. While it seems a bit crazy, and a bit #fakenews, this is the real deal, y’all. If you’re as obsessed with your partner’s ass as they are with yours, show them the right way by making it edible. Edible Anus, a company that specializes in – you guessed it – edible anus’, will send you a box of three chocolate butts for only $10. Magnus Irvin, the owner of Edible Anus, is clearly onto something here.

Irvin came up with this idea in 2006 when he was working on an art exhibit featuring several different color chocolate anus’ (you think he has a type?). He used his own anus apparently, and the product came out a bit messy. But, he came up with the idea to mold other people’s butts and sell them for profit. Even better.

When creating the mold, you’ll have to sit in a bit of an awkward position (obviously), but it’s all worth it for art and glory, am I right? If you’re not into chocolate and think it’s a bit too much like poop coming out of your anus, you can splurge and get your significant other a bronze or silver replica of your anus.

Don’t worry, it will only run you about $500 for them – a perfect price to pay for a beautiful booty-hole. People on Twitter were both amazed and dumbfounded that this is an actual business, but hey, to each their own.

Word to the wise? Don’t have beans the day before your mold appointment. Just sayin’.


Song of the Day (1/25/2018)

Today’s song of the day is Listen by Dave Eakin and Steve Hoke. It’s a lovely, timeless little ditty with a strong message.

Separately, to my homies in the tech and finance worlds, I came across this article and accompanying photo and it’s absolutely priceless:

It’s clear to me that none of the three gentlemen accompanying our Clementine-in-Chief wants to be there. Especially Tim Cook, who you can tell is at the edge of his seat, squirming on his chocolate starfish. Tim wants nothing to do with the American Technology Council, although I’m guessing that wouldn’t be the case if Mueller probed them too.

And finally, Japan’s Central Bank is keeping rates low as inflation expectations move sideways:


Random Bidtits / Song of the Day (1/24/2018)

What’s up, what’s up, WHAT’S UP!  To all the new followers, thank you for joining this mediocre blog!  To all the people who viewed the site and decided not to follow, fuck you, I hope you slam your nugget pouch in a DVD case.

Let’s get this party started with a little music, shall we?  I highly, HIGHLY encourage you to watch the following video as it’s only a minute long and features North Korea’s finest, strutting their stuff to Stayin’ Alive by The Bee Gees.  Please watch it.  For my Chick-fil-A fans out there, you’ll enjoy this video and it’s only 90 seconds long.  I recommend you turn the sound down on this one given the commentary is forced and lacking.  Next.  WHERE ARE ALL MY FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF FANS AT?!?  I came across this gem in a Starbucks parking lot:

Abe Frohman

The sausage KING, of Chicago.  Next story.  And I may have shared this one before so please pardon me if that’s the case.  I was traveling last Summer and stumbled across a lake-side restaurant called Kara’s Kountry Kitchen (aka KKK).  Solid food and great scenery.  All the trimmings, all the works.  Just don’t expect to order the Blackened Fish.  Okay, that was racist, but not nearly as racist as this:


Aggressive sign, especially for the healthcare sector.  But as Stewie said, it’s good to have land.  As you can see, I spent a night in the hospital and the hot water heater was massive!  Nice not running out of hot water, although I did have to reduce the temperature as I was particularly gassy that evening and the the humidity was wafting the funk in a most unpleasant fashion.  Word to the wise: always take cold, no-humidity showers when your busts stink like cow ass.  This was partially my fault: I had nasty gas and explosive runs after a day spent munching on hospital food.  To quote my bad-hombre Peachy Carnehan, I was shitting out tomorrow’s breakfast, tonight.

I’ll leave everyone with a final thought as they watch the North Korean Bee Gees song for the fourth time: many women (I’m including Ellen Pao in this bucket) will be quick to tell you that they make ~77 cents to the dollar for equivalent male work.  Let’s dispel with this fiction that women don’t know what they’re doing.  They know exactly what they’re doing.  They’re undergoing a systematic effort to change workplace culture and make the office more like the rest of the world.  To be clear, this 77% statistic IS FOR ALL WOMEN ACROSS ALL JOBS AND FAILS TO ACCOUNT FOR DIFFERENCES IN POSITION OR TITLE.  One could point out that 16 year olds should make the same argument as their demographic makes considerably less than other peer groups.  For the same job and same title, women make ~4% less than men.

And how do I live with myself knowing this fact to be true?  Well, in a normally functioning society in equilibrium, people are paid (the “reward” or “return”) based on their contribution to the firm, accounting for the chance that they’ll leave and take with them these skills after significant financial investment by the employing firm (the “risk”).  Women carry more risk given there’s an established history of having children (yes, men also carry this risk, albeit to a smaller degree based on empirical evidence) and leaving an employer after the firm has made a significant investment in the employee.  But in life, EXPECTED RETURN IS PRICED BASED ON ANTICIPATED RISK.  I’m ALL for equality within a logical, economic framework.  But one could argue that if women want to make 100 cents on the male dollar, they should be willing to get spayed following the interview.  Game.  Set.  Match.

Now I’m off to play with those fuzzy yellow balls.


Song of the Day (1/19/2018)

Happy Friday, my esteemed readers and contributors. Today’s song of the day is Let My Love Open the Door by Pete Townshend. It’s a positive, catchy little toe-tapper.

Keeping the positive vibe going, here are some things the Disillusioned Dilettante doesn’t value, appreciate, or even like: investigative journalism, marching bands, modern art, local news, art. Investigative journalist is a concept best left for the 19th century and I’m sick and tired of eating a regular diet of Fake News’ shinbone.

Speaking of my misplaced negativity and alarmism, has anyone else been to lately? These MOFOs use the “weather alert” feature almost as aggressively as the Bush/Cheney Corporation used the “terror alert.” Between the two, the level of alarmism is truly on par.

I’ll leave you with a final thought for your Friday, and I apologize if I’ve mused about this in a prior post: when they perform LASIK eye surgery, why don’t they give people 20/10 vision? Or perhaps even better? Why do they “correct” people to a mere 20/20?

Happy Friday and stay safe tonight – always remember to wrap it before you slap it.