You’re just 10mg of addy away from that vFINAL!
Also, this two minute video (Everyone’s Upstairs Neighbor) should be required reading for all boys and girls entering the multi family housing world. What shouldn’t be required reading, yet was required for a roommate back in my colleeeeege years:
Brought to you by the labor movement. Like any movement, it smells a little funny at first but then rapidly turns to shit.
Ah, October 10th. Happy ten, ten, ten, twenty on yo titties, bitch. Today’s song of the day is Rack City by Tyga. Shout out to Mr. Rose.
However, after two hours of slamming my clam hammer balls deep into an industry overview, I realized that today’s song of the day has to be Back Dat Azz Up by Juvenile. Brought to you by the definitely Americans and certainly not Indians good people at IBISWorld:
Where they missed a real opportunity to show rather than tell:
I came across this photo of a sandwich while doing market research at work. Who else can lift a wet towel right now?
If you haven’t seen it, Donald Trump took precious moments away from his 2020 campaign to shower Puerto Ricans with American generosity. Nothing says “White America is here to help you” like mushroom tipping a bunch of Puerto Rican Oompa Loompas in the face with the Brawny Man. Who cares about delivering internet and power, I won’t sleep until we’ve cut down the entire Amazon Rainforest to get these mother fuckin’ Puerto Ricans, on these mother fuckin’ paper towels. Those are going to be some chaffed assholes down there and they haven’t even digested their pension obligations yet. Oh it’s going to be a surprise, A RUDE, PAINFUL SURPRISE.
Now time for some self awareness:
Are you fucking kidding me? These guys couldn’t land a touchdown with their wives. Or side pieces. Speaking of having a main bitch, and a mistress, and a couple of girl friends, being so hood rich, today’s song of the day is Head of the State by Baracka Flacka Flames.
An image for my girls still at the office tonight:
And finally, the McLaren P1, because a girl can dream, right?
Roping off a $1.2 million car with a plastic barrier chain? Nice, McLaren. Maybe it’s time you Brexit from the auto industry and focus on pushing cheap hats and questionably sourced keychains like Ferrari. AHHH SKEET SKEET SKEET!
And finally, Chick-fil-A has been rubbing off on Jimmy Johns (assuming the Bible says that’s okay):
Nothing bespeaks “thank god we live in America” like a black guy desperately trying to strip himself of ownership-administered shackles. I don’t know, that meat and bread on the right looks a little gay, over under Chick-fil-A walks from the deal?
A) Sorry to block out the location info. It is Uber, so she’s not in London. It is not an UberBoat, so she’s not in Puerto Rico. There is a functioning street lamp, so she’s not in North Korea. She does speak English, so she’s not in Miami or SoCal. She is driving, so she’s not in Saudi Arabia (for now). She does like restaurants, so she’s not in the Upper East Side.
Eh, fuck it. Today’s song of the day is Movin’ Like Bernie by ISA. Watch the video.
This might be too gay even for the Hot Cops:
Oh and this:
And this complete sack of shit:
And finally, finally, they finally made a shirt for I-banking’s Technology, Media, and Telecom group:
About damn time. These TMT guys labor harder than anyone else, had to fight to get to the top against all odds, and pull themselves up by their bootstraps. About damn time the world finally recognizes the TMT industry group for all the blood, sweat, and tears it took to make it on top.
Oh, and apparently I live in the same building as America’s next top starving actress:
…METAPHORICALLY, of course. What are we if not self aware and intellectually honest? Anyone hear of any casting calls for SuperSize Me 2.0? Perhaps we can star her in a movie as a confused Helios, chasing a cheese curd across the sky.
But before I dive in head first (like Pete Rose), if you received the “Random Bidtits (10/4/2017)” email but didn’t read the post online, you’re missing out on a final paragraph following the photo of the porn stars (how many blogs can begin with this). Posted that mofo before it was finished.
As for the topic of this post, we’ve again been graced with the boundless insights of the Meditative Mandarin. He shared a story about Isaac Newton:
“If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”
The enterprise of mankind as embodied in our advance of knowledge is built on the pattern of Shoulders of Giants. Human knowledge and understanding is a very cumulative affair.
The quotation above was written by Isaac Newton as a backhanded insult directed squarely at Robert Hooke (1635-1702), with whom Newton carried on a life long, bitter rivalry. Newton used this quote in a letter responding to Hooke’s claim that Newton stole the hypothesis on light from Hooke’s “Micrographia.” Newton was familiar with Micrographia and claimed that Hooke took much of the work from Descartes who – claimed Newton – took his work from Marcantonia de Dominis and Ariotto. The comment was very likely intended to be sarcastic as Hooke was a very short man, practically a midget.
Enough on Newton. Now let’s talk about achieving his level of brilliance. Start fluffing your neckbeards. Study: Playing Starcraft can Increase your Cognitive Abilities
We begin with this:
I’m assuming this readership is aware of the term “honey pot.”
Next, a stellar quote from our Dealmaker in Chief: “The press is very powerful but it lasts for, both good and bad, lasts for a finite period of time. The one thing about the press is that it’s fleeting. It’s Fleet Street. You know, that’s why they called it Fleet Street. You know that, right? I just actually made that up.” That’s pure gold. Speaking of Trump,
I guess this means we won’t see Trump Torre any time soon.
And finally, Brazzers removing the logos on their bottles:
Turns out the San Fernando Valley cares more about intellectual property theft / economic espionage than the Chinee and Ruskies.
Already one posting in on the day and we already have too many updates for our dear Supreme Reader. And that is absolutely NOT an allusion to LRM (lil’ rocket man). But still, this is all the news that’s fit to print (read: publish and hope some lonely fool stumbles upon MAM).
First off, this is for my foodies. Who likes my dancing carrot?!?
Clever, right? I feel like all other carrot jokes are old, tired, and are often rooted in stupid plays on words. Speaking of bad jokes, Donald Trump is in the news again. This time, he’s ripping on gun violence on the third coast. Chicago can’t catch a break – just look at the images from the #1 police scanner app:
“Police shooting in Chicago.” Really? Attacking Chicago, again? Easy political points to be won, so I get it. And the police in Chicago need to stop targeting based on racial profiling. The blacks in Chicago have it nearly as bad as those in London:
I read “enhanced background checks” and I see visions of Rummy at Abu, cracking the whip at a mountain of male flesh, precariously balanced on top of a well lubed twister mat since replaced with an original copy of the constitution.
And a penultimate thought, shitty ass packaging:
“Enlarged to show texture.” A) hardly enlarged, see accompanying cookie and B) texture? What texture? The photos are yellow shapes with dots. Ya heard?
And finally, a thought from our very own Meditative Mandarin: there is some beautiful irony in a staunchly anti-marijuana attorney general whose last name is “Sessions.”