Song of the Day (3/16/2017)

Sitting here between the Ides of March and St. Patrick’s day, and I’m not happy about being sandwiched between a Greek and an Irishman.  I feel like I’m in a hairy, sloppy threesome and the only way to escape is to shave my way out past the Greek.

Today’s song of the day is Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers and Coldplay.  A more recent song and artist than the usual but carries a terrific sound.  Feeling lazy as scrotum today so let’s just add random recent photos below and call is a day, huh?  Beginning with the world’s coolest food invention since sodium-added smoked meats:

Next, I was rifling through a family member’s closet when I came across the following Hermes tie:

For those of you looking for Cinco de Mayo gifts, this is the bees’ knees.  Also goes well with Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns.

Received an acquisition opportunity a couple of weeks ago and was flipping through the memorandum and came across this little guy:

Oops!  And finally, the best marketing strategy I’ve ever seen:

That’s it for me today.  Apologies for the blatantly lazy post.  Hope you enjoy the song.  A quote to think about the next time you’re secretly rushing a plunger from the upstairs washroom to the downstairs washroom at your girlfriend’s parent’s house with hopes of not arousing curious glances from the parents:

“Every time you clog a toilet, you’ve exceeded someone’s expectations” 

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Awkward Moments (2/22/2017)

Approximately five to six weeks ago, our firm won a new engagement: our client was/is a women owned business with a demanding (and absolutely baller) female CEO.  Following the kickoff meeting, I was working my ass off for this chick.

Well, a few days later, I was at home on my stairmaster, doing steps in my boxer briefs (tighter and more form fitting than most boxers).  After maybe 20 minutes of taking steps in my briefs, the tip of my dick started to burn like a mofo.  So I took my briefs off and did stairs in the nude for another 10 minutes.

But my tip was still hurting.  Even bleeding ever so slightly.  I examined my John Thomas following the workout and realized that my tip had an abrasion from rubbing against the briefs.  Uh oh!

I went to shower and YEOWWWWWWW did it hurt under the water.  Soaping my womb broom was out of the question.  Then… I tried to pee.  The burning sensation was out of this world.  Peeing would not be an option.  But, FUCK!  I’m working insane hours, living on coffee, and also taking creatine for my workouts.  As a result, during that period, I was peeing maybe every 20 – 30 minutes.  What was I going to do?  The pain was unbearable and I couldn’t even get a trickle going without excruciating pain.  I manned up (or not…), and held it in for as long as possible.  Went two, maybe three hours before I couldn’t hold it any longer.  Bit the bullet, went to the washroom and opened the shower curtain, grabbed my clam hammer, and released into the shower, knowing full well I wouldn’t have any aim control.  The pain was remarkable.

In the hours and two days following the incident, I stopped drinking all liquids and cycled off the creating briefly.  It was hard to not caffeinate while working such strenuous hours for this demanding female business owner and CEO, but my skin flute needed the time off.

In short (and this is the moral of the story), I started working for a woman and immediately my penis stopped working.

Two days later, my yogurt slinger was back to normal (I’m happy to report that 7 days a week, that squeaky wheel gets the grease) and my work/life balance was back to the usual: wake up in the morning, window shades up, focus on work, drink a coffee, window shades down, fire up Heroes of the Storm.  Rinse.  And.  Repeat.

Song of the Day (2/21/2017)…and Arrested Development…and more

Today’s song of the day is Wait So Long by Trampled by Turtles.  Fuck it, last week I watched the new and original Magnificent Seven and holy cow were they spectacular.  So, with that, allow me to ROCK YOUR SOCKS with The Magnificent Seven theme song.  Best.  Theme song.  Ever.

Came across the following advertisement for something called Loverboy…

And it immediately reminded me of Lucille and Baby Buster (yo quiro lecheeeee) in Mother Boy:

And finally, some words of wisdom.  You can save money on bleach by not buying white underwear.

Came across this house name on a college campus a week ago:

That’s Ronald Ragin’.  Reagan be praised.

Well, back to the grind.  P.S.  Go out and get yourself bacon salt flavored sunflower seeds.  Your tongue will thank you…although the morning after hotbox in the shower can be debilitating.

Regulators…Song of the Day (2/16/2017)

I’ve been burning my ones and fives since the inaugeration.  Figured they’ll be pulled out of circulation following Donny T’s infrastructure plan and Damnit Janet’s war on the dollar.

I miss my boy Ben Shalom Bernanke.  Today’s song of the day is a shoutout to my homie-g, Burly Bernanke…it’s Regulate by Warren G ft. Nate Dogg.

You’re sorely missed, my man.  Please come back.  Wall Street needs you.  Main Street needs you. The wad of hundreds in the jar in my backyard needs you.  It’ll be the return of the Jedi, Benny boy.  Come stronghand those academic libs until they get their environmentally-sourced cotton undies in a twist.

Today’s financial insight: buy the fuckin’ dip.  

Song of the Day (2/10/2017)…and more

Really?  No one likes my windmills comment and allusion to Father Reagan?  Tough crowd…

Happy flipping Friday to you all!  With that, there are two songs of the day today:

1). Waves by Kanye West

2). Howling at Nothing by Nathaniel Rateliff and The Night Sweats

Yesterday evening, I discovered the magic of meme making.  Had to make two, one finance related and the other about feeling HOTS, HOTS, HOTS!!!

And finally.  Pitbull.  The man has his own cologne.  I’m…thrilled?

Oh!  How could I forget:

Yeahhhhhhh, don’t show up for work, mannnn.  Keep it up for another 108 days and you’ll truly earn that 70 cents on the dollar!  Well, it’s Friday.  I’m off to organize the men’s march.  There’s no rhyme or reason to it but the message is just as coherent as the women’s march at this point (i.e., claim there’s some actual stance on women’s rights but in reality, just spit vitriol and hate slogans at a president you don’t like).