The Original Consecration

Take this, all of you, and eat of it, for this is His Body, which will be given up for you… Take this, all of you, and drink from it, for this is the offering of His Meat, the Meat of the new and eternal covenant which will be pulled out for you and for many for the forgiveness of political and economic ignorance. Do this in memory of Him.

Reagan be praised.

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Random Bidtits (8/15/2016)

Ahhhhhh, salaam, and good evening to you, worthy friend.  Please, please, come closer.

To begin this evening, here is easily one of the greatest family guy bits of all time.  All part of the liberal left’s gay agenda/attack on the family/kitchen table.

Did you hear the one about the guy with five penises?  His pants fit like a glove.

Finally, here’s an iconic actor on the right who’s identical to a random tinder floozy (who tells me she’s educated and maybe even a bit ambitious, too):



For those of you who made it past by usually slurry of bullshit, here is a great commencement address from Jim Carrey given in 2014; or feel free to listen to just the highlights of the speech here.

Finally, new product idea for the next iPhone launch: include a finely tuned scale on the back of the phone as well as, fuck it, throw a Mercury thermometer on there for the next time we walk into the pool/hot tub without checking our fucking pockets.  Not bitter.  Definitely not bitter…

Why do you care about Snowflake? Do you know him? Does he call you at home?

Had one of those mornings recently.  Not the sort where you’re sitting at your desk stroking your chin, only to catch a faint whiff of last evening’s cooter on your one hand, then coconut oil and asshole on the other.  No, I’m talking something good.

After sharing some tinder profiles with friends, I’ve been told that I’ll plug anything on Obamacare.  As a result, I’ve refocused my energies on the more attractive conquests.  This means hunkering down, rolling up my sleeves, and really getting my hands (and hopefully fingers) dirty.  I needed to expand my horizons and cast a wider net while also increasing my selectivity.  So, I changed my profile settings to view more matches.  Enter the 18-22 crowd.  Then, fuck it, enter the 23-55+ crowd!  As well, knowing when someone will put out before the first date (assuming there’s a connection and it gets to a first date) is huge (#MAGA).  And also keeping a stopwatch with a 12 hour timer immediately upon running out of swipes.  Not that it’s necessary: I’ve done the 12 hour purgatory wait so many times that, just like George Michael Bluth, some call me the human metronome.  Anyway, I digress.  I was in bed, left swiping 10 times for every 1 right swipe (although you likely don’t want to hear about any swiping if your date is Chris Brown), and I came across the following profile and SWIPED RIGHT WITH THE FORCE OF A THOUSAND THUMBS.



I’m still waiting for my dame in shining men’s clothing to accept my swipe.  But as soon as she does…  And as soon as I lift that pink curtain to revel in her pink curtains…


*gonna.

“Kinda hot in these rhinos…”

Melt Behind Bars with Grillz

Happy Friday!  It’s not often I’m willing to go out and plug a person or business located more than five miles from a real (aka saltwater) coast.  However, Melt Bar and Grilled, located in the Connecticut Western Reserve (I refuse to accept and acknowledge Moses Cleaveland’s (who never returned to Ohio after his visit) namesake), is positively delicious.  Well worth the stop.  Below are the jalapeƱo popper inspired and chicken and waffle inspired sandwiches.