Schadenfreude 101

First off, a little photo:

And now an article from Bloomberg.  “That sounds like another one of those gradeless, structureless, new age feel-gooderies.” – Michael Bluth

Startup Juicero Shutters Operations and Seeks a Buyer

By Eric Newcomer
September 1, 2017, 2:37 PM EDT September 1, 2017, 3:35 PM EDT

Juicero Inc., the vegetable and fruit juice startup that raised more than $100 million from investors, said it will suspend sales, offer refunds to customers and search for a buyer for the company.

The decision to shut down its business comes four months after a Bloomberg News report that the company’s juice packets could be squeezed by hand and didn’t require Juicero’s machine, which cost $400. The machine had previously sold for $700, before the price cut.

Juicero announced the decision in a statement Friday posted on its website. “It became clear that creating an effective manufacturing and distribution system for a nationwide customer base requires infrastructure that we cannot achieve on our own as a standalone business,” the San Francisco-based company said. Chief Executive Officer Jeff Dunn announced in July that the company would cut 25 percent of its staff, primarily in sales and marketing, and try to lower the price of its machine and juice packs.

Alphabet’s venture arm GV, Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers, Artis Ventures and Josh Kushner’s Thrive Capital are among the startups investors.

Some investors hoped the company’s internet-connected machine would do for juice what the Keurig, a coffee maker that required customers to keep buying its cartridges, did for coffee. Juicero sold its expensive juicer promising force “enough to lift two Teslas” along with packets of juice costing $5 to $7 each.

Juicero’s founder Doug Evans boasted about the technical complexity of the company’s juicer. “There are 400 custom parts in here,” he told Recode. “There’s a scanner; there’s a microprocessor; there’s a wireless chip, wireless antenna.”

Bloomberg revealed in an April article, accompanied by video evidence, that the juice machine was hardly a necessity since the packets could be more quickly squeezed by hand.

Juicero said Friday that it will offer refunds of its presses for the next 90 days. Pack subscriptions are ending the week of Sept. 4. Fortune earlier reported Juicero’s decision to cease operations.

“As we enter this new chapter, we also want to express the deepest gratitude to our employees who have poured their hearts and souls into developing, launching and growing Juicero over the past 3 years,” the company said in its statement.

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Song of the Day (8/31/2017)

Annyong!  Today’s song of the day is In Reverse by The War on Drugs.  Then I’ll leave you with some potentially doctored photos of our Charmer in Chief.  Also, did anyone see Melania with her FLOTUS hat on this week?  Great woman, great woman.  Made a fortune in wedlock.  Even if it’s a cruel, ugly existence.  Speaking of ugly existences, obligatory shout out to Ellen Pao.  It’s been years since Kleiner Perkins showed her the door…unfortunately it looks like she walked into it on the way out.

Before I forget!  I sat in on Tommy Thompson’s hearing in federal court earlier this summer.  You may have seen this story in the news recently but I got to sit in on the hearing and met TT.  Such an interesting story and guy.  Separately, and with a different federal judge from the one presiding over the Tommy case, I had lunch with a federal judge earlier this summer and rode around in an armored car with him – my first ride in an armored vehicle with the guns and gadgets and all!  We were tailed by another armored car and had a detail of six federal marshals everywhere we went.  One of the cooler experiences I’ve had as of late.  Anyway, I give you, The Donald:

Random Bidtits (8/30/2017)

Banging through some life observations and cool shit from the last few weeks:

1)  Here is an article from the Wall Street Journal with some stunning photos of undersea life: Into the Deep: The Underwater Photography Awards.

2)  Here is an article from The New Yorker that is absolutely worth your time but will take a while to get through: Donald Trump’s Ghostwriter Tells All.  You won’t find a single surprise throughout the article.  Orange you glad I found this?

3)  Incoming book recommendation!  As a rule, I typically don’t read self-help books but this one came strongly recommended and I pass that on to you.  It’s: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson.  It’s a quick read and worth your time if you’re open minded.  Check out the Amazon reviews in the link.  I finished this last week after reading four Agatha Christie books last month.  Yes, Agatha Christie is the Goosebumps of adulthood but it’s easy and light and quick.  I did see a great Arrested Development shout out in the back of one of her books (also, look at those prices!):

And the Arrested Development connection:

4)  Quick, somewhat terrifying side note.  I cringe when I see the words “clinger” and “loosening” used in the same sentence:

5)  I spent last weekend in the back country of Virginia and West Virginia and it was absolutely gorgeous.  World renowned white water rafting, spelunking, The Greenbrier (including A TRUE CROQUET COURT!!!), the Omni and it’s surrounding thermal springs, and the New River Gorge Bridge (as seen on the back of the West Virginia quarter).  The Greenbrier is well worth your time.  However, there was some subtle racism under the banner of “southern charm”:

Which in reality looked like this:

There was also a memorial highway in honor of the armed forces…sponsored by the one and only West Virginia Garden Club, Inc.  You know, that’s an obvious overlap.

Also came across a new food group that may need to replace pork rinds at our next bro-get-together:

As well as a gas station WITH RACING FUEL:

And the nerdiest corner I’ve ever walked into:

My neckbeard grew three sizes that day.

6)  And finally, I saw the license plate below which reminded me of a terrific scene from Family Guy.

EAA AirVenture Oshkosh 2017

Happy flippin’ Friday!  I had the wonderful opportunity to partake in the EAA AirVenture Oshkosh event this year out in Cheese Country, USA.  Below are some of the photos and videos from the event (if anything, make sure you watch the four short videos).  Videos are video one, video two, and video three.  Oh, nearly forgot video four.  DEFINITELY watch them – they’re about 8-10 seconds each.  The videos don’t do the experience justice; I can’t begin to describe just how loud these things were during the fly-bys.  And for the record(ish), I may or may not be an FAA certified pilot.  When my flight club hears about this, the shit’s gonna hit the fan!

Today’s song of the day has to be Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins.  These beasts of burden are capable of bombing North Korea back into the…North Korean age.  ‘Merica.

The 2017 Vision Mercedes-Maybach 6 Cabriolet

Cabriolet!  Cabriolet!  Cabriolet!…  It’s only a model.‘  Yes, indeed, I made a reference to Monty Python.  And indeed, it’s only a concept car.  But it’s a fantasy car that has 750 fake horses under the massive hood, an all-electric, all-fantasy 200 mile range, and a look that is absolutely stunning.  Brace yourselves, the Germans are coming.  The following photos represent beautiful works of art. And just like the Germans, I shamelessly stole these pieces of art, mostly from Google Images.

Faith Tells Me That No Matter What Lies Ahead of Me, Reagan is Already There

Hooded Man #2: Have we started the fire?…  Bane: Yes. The [Reagan] rises. 

And finally.  My tomato garden has sprouted a va-jay:

Earlier in the harvest at a vegetable staff meeting to discuss the vegetable, fruit, and bacterial culture, Arianna Huffington, another pear, talked about how one tomato vagina on a plot often leads to more tomato vaginas joining a garden.

“Actually, what it shows is that it’s much more likely to be more talking,” Mr. Bonderman, resident anise, responded.